


Pearl Says Fuck

by cranes



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6047023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranes/pseuds/cranes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>finally</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearl Says Fuck

Pearl, of course, masters the human languages faster than any of them.

Rose tries her best, but there’s no way she can keep up; Pearl absorbs information like a starving man, absolutely ravenous for any sort of knowledge. Plus, Rose may or may not have a slight tendency towards distraction. It’s not _her_ fault the animals of Earth are all so adorable.

The first time Rose hears the words they’re in hurried, breathless Mohawk, and Pearl’s thighs are quivering under her hands. “Rose, oh God, oh _fuck—_ ” and Rose doesn’t quite know what she’s saying but somehow she understands all the same. She swallows the sounds with a kiss and then trails her lips down Pearl’s soft stomach (and then, even lower).

In the morning, she asks Pearl about the words, and is pleased to watch a faint-blue tint spread across Pearl’s cheeks. “They _—_ uh, er, that is to say _—_ it’s _—_ humans can be rather vulgar, and _—_ ” Pearl covers her mouth with her hand and stares at the floor. “ _—_ hm.”

Rose laughs. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” she grins, because the thought of those words in the mouth of _her Pearl,_ her prim, delicate, proper _Pearl_ makes Rose feel all _sorts_ of things Pearl would consider vulgar. She tips up Pearl’s chin and kisses her lips and enjoys watching the rapidly deepening blush on Pearl’s face.

***

From that point on, Rose delights in making Pearl curse, whether it’s from moving her fingers _just so_ or from Garnet startling her _just right._ Pearl insists she’s above such language _—_ and usually she _is_ , except when that _stupid, fucking_ Gem monster won’t stop eating her _fucking_ spears, or when Ruby and Sapphire are being _infantile_ _, thick-headed little shits_ because Pearl told them they needed to unfuse before Garnet completely overworked their bodies. Pearl, they’ve discovered, has a lot of patience for a lot of things, but if you hit a certain number of her buttons in combination, the resulting explosion of frustration is _glorious._

One of her buttons is disarray. They discover _that_ one because Rose has not one  _i_ _ota_ of organization in her body, and there are battle plans scattered all over the rebel base. It’s usually fine, because Pearl likes cleaning and she’d spend hours putting things in order if she could, but one day she’s rushing into the base because Ruby has cracked her gem _again_ and “Rose, oh my God, she’s _—_ ” when all of a sudden Pearl reels to a halt, and takes in the mess of papers and ink littering the floor.

She draws a deep breath; closes her eyes for a brief moment.

“Rose,” Pearl says, with absolute calm, “what the fuck?”

Rose, who has a good amount of ink on her, as well, puts her fingers in her hair sheepishly. “Pearl, I’m sorry, I know you spent all morning cleaning this, there was _—_ er, see, there was this  _incident_ , and _—_ ”

“I _—_ I was only gone for an hour. How…?”

“Well, the _—_ the uh, the flow of Strategy works in mysterious ways, and _—_ ”

“It’s…it’s alright. Don’t worry. I’ll just…” Pearl looks dazed. Rose watches, concerned, as she sets a rapidly-flickering Ruby down on Rose’s desk and begins to numbly pick up the mess.

“Pearl, I really am sorry _—_ ”

“ _Don’t worry,_ Rose.”

“Pearl _—_ ”

Pearl sighs and crosses her arms in a way _—_ now, this is just Rose’s opinion _—_ that  _could_ bring to mind the appearance of a cranky human child. Ruby mumbles something about that ‘ugly White motherfucker’ and abruptly passes out on top of Rose’s battle plans.

“Pearl _—_ ” Rose tries again.

“Excuse me,” Pearl says with an expression that clearly says she fears for the future of the rebellion, and continues to neatly fold away Rose’s paperwork. Rose makes a ‘yikes’ face and does her best not to push too many of Pearl’s buttons for the rest of the day.

***

Another one of Pearl’s buttons is stress. Well, probably _all_ of her buttons could relate to stress in some way (Pearl does not handle pressure Well), but there’s a certain _kind_ of stress that brings out the sailor in her, and usually it has to do with not knowing _—_ pardon the language _—_ what the _fuck_ is going on.

“We have a plan, right?” Pearl asks in that fake-bright voice that lets Rose know she’s probably terrified. “Right? Rose has a plan. We’re going to be totally fine.”

“Pearl, calm down,” Garnet says. Rose, frankly, is surprised Garnet is still standing after that last battle. Surprised but grateful, because if it weren’t for Garnet, they’d probably have never found this cave.

Pearl, on the other hand, is entirely _incapable_ of looking on the bright side. “Rose, you definitely have a plan,” she insists a little hysterically. The half-crazed smile on her face is beginning to slip in the rising panic.

Rose thinks about it. Shrugs. “We’ll work it out.”

“Rose, _there is a fusion the size of a Diamond outside this cave_. But _—_ but it's no big deal, right? Things are going to be perfectly okay! Because _you_  have a plan!"

In hindsight, Rose recognizes that Pearl’s sense of self-preservation is likely heightened due to her years serving the Diamonds. From what she’s seen, Diamond Pearls don’t tend to last too long, even in comparison to regular Pearls. The amount of flinching Pearl used to do is heartbreaking, and Rose understands that she will never quite value life in the way that Pearl does.

All the same, Pearl does need to calm down.

“Pearl, you trust me, don’t you?” Rose asks her gently, putting a soothing hand on her shoulder.

“Abso-fucking-lutely, Rose!” Pearl replies with a grin so big her face looks like it’s going to crack in half. If it wasn’t pretty much frozen that way, she’d probably be screaming.

Rose tries not to take it personally.

***

The truth is, if 50% of Pearl’s buttons revolve around stress, then a good 40% revolve around Rose herself (and the remaining 10% is a horrifying, shatter-dreading mix of the two). It’s sometime around their hundredth year fighting when Pink Diamond comes, and Rose holds tight to her sword on a battleground filled with the stench of death, and Pearl stands rigid beside her.

It would’ve been fine, probably. Like, they probably could have made it out of this one with a combination of Rose’s half-decent negotiation tactics and Pearl’s natural finesse. Maybe.

Except Pink Diamond had some choice words to say about her former Quartz; words that involved terms such as ‘traitor’ and ‘abomination’ and ‘human-fucking whore’.

The next thing Rose knows, Pearl is flying towards their enemy with her sword out and screaming, and Rose barely catches what she’s saying, bits and pieces of ‘ _don’t you fucking say that about her!’_ and ‘ _you execrable, repulsive piece of shit!’_ and ‘ _better add pearl-fucker to that list of grievances, you—you—you maleficent_ bitch! _'_

Then Pink Diamond pulls out her weapon, and for a long time after that, Pearl doesn’t say anything at all.

***

**

*

Amethyst, they learn fairly quickly, is a button all of her own.

It’s surprising and yet entirely _not_ , Rose decides as she walks smack into yet _another_ argument between the two. Surprising, because after all, Pearl was the one who insisted on bringing Amethyst home with them in the first place.

Not surprising, because it’s _Amethyst_ and _Pearl._

“Amethyst, where the fuck is my saber?”

“Amethyst, get the fuck down from there!”

“Fucking _—_ Amethyst, for fuck’s sake _—_ _Amethyst!_ ”

Amethyst is probably the only person who enjoys making Pearl curse more than Rose herself; not because she thinks it’s _cute_ (which it definitely is), but for the sole purpose of _blackmail._ Amethyst also happens to be capable of breaking through Pearl’s prudishness with an accuracy Rose finds _stunning_.

“Oh, so when _I_ use that word it’s ‘crude’ and ‘vulgar’, but when _you_ use it _—_ ”

"Oh, fuck off, Amethyst."

(It’s still cute, though.)

***

It takes Rose much longer than she’d like to admit to figure out just _which_ of Pearl’s buttons Greg is apparently pushing At All Times. And you know what? Rose thinks things could go a lot worse, all things considered. After a little while, Pearl’s constant referral to Greg as a ‘personified shit-stain’ becomes almost polite. Like, you know, “Hello, shit-eating whore-spawn, how was your day today?”

When Greg and Rose announce the Plan, Pearl becomes even more polite. Exceedingly polite. Worryingly polite.

Rose never hears her Pearl curse again.

***

“Pearl, take a deep breath.”

“Garnet, she called him _ugly!_ That _—_ ”

“Pearl. _Steven._ ”

“But _—_ ”

Garnet points at the oblivious two-year-old seated in the shopping cart. Steven has paint on his fingers, and dirt on his cheeks, and cavities in his teeth. Pearl looks at him. Reluctantly, she follows Garnet’s instructions. Draws a deep breath.

“ _Bitch_ ,” she mutters under her breath as they pass the lady who is  _clearly_ blind, because Steven is  _beautiful._ Garnet gives her a quelling look, and she sighs. Apparently swearing in front of human children is Wrong. Doesn’t stop Amethyst. Or even Garnet, at times. But Pearl is supposedly a ‘role model’, now, and that means learning to be patient, because at this point, she still sees Steven more than any of them.

The years pass, and gradually, they learn how to avoid pressing Pearl’s buttons _—_ in front of Steven, at least. There are still times when Amethyst sneaks up on her (“Ah! Shit!  _Amethyst!_ ”) and times when Garnet’s lips are on her collarbone (“Oh, _fuck,_ oh God, please don't stop”). But for the most part, Pearl is Good, and the times when she isn’t, Garnet is able to hold her back.

Things are different, yes. They’ll never quite be the same. But Pearl has people who love her, and people she loves, and people who know _just when_ to push her buttons in _just the right_ ways.

Of course, it’s still entirely possible for new buttons to form.

***

“OKAY, THAT’S IT, COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM YOU LITTLE _—_ ”

“ _Pearl!_ ”

* * *

 

_fin_

 


End file.
